Write a detailed description of your bedroom as you left it this morning. Use the planning sheet in your English book and the list of NOUNS and ADJECTIVES to assist you.
311 Comments
Megan
9/9/2016 09:31:16 am
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Jess B
12/9/2016 09:43:48 am
The ideas are great and relevant to the topic. Most of the ideas are elaborated equally. I like how you made them all simple but have a bit of depth. Some of your words are a little bit repeated. Try next time to make some of your objects more descriptive and not just the colours. Over all it was well done.
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Jess B
13/9/2016 09:32:17 am
R5
tvish
23/2/2021 11:30:38 am
r4+
Kaden F
12/9/2016 09:53:18 am
Wow Megan that was amazing I really liked that one. Don't fix up anything that's awesome. 5
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Adam
27/8/2020 12:46:39 am
Can you use tactical language only to describe your bed
William M
12/9/2016 09:53:28 am
Megan your vocab was very good with describing things. Next time your could probably add some more descriptive words, not saying that there was not any but just add some more in like more bigger descriptive words. On the rubric I would give you a R4.
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Andrea and Ad
14/9/2016 04:54:25 pm
An excellent description of your room Meg. You've really set the scene, invited us in and shown us how cosy it is in there. Yes it definately is the best bedroom in the house and yes we are all jealous!!!!
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Jessie
16/9/2016 09:24:21 am
I'm jealous of your room too!! Your writing was exactly as I remember it.
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ysisf
2/10/2023 06:38:55 pm
better
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There are lots of nice places. My favorite place is my room. My room is great because of the things in it and the temperature.
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Jess B
9/9/2016 09:31:16 am
JESS'S BEDROOM DESCRIPTION
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Megan
12/9/2016 09:43:11 am
I liked the way that you used the senses to give a more detailed effect about your bedroom. I think that all of your Ideas were pretty detailed. I think that you could work on adding a few more descriptive words. I would give you a rubric 5.
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29/1/2022 11:34:31 am
I suck creamy cock. cock is life. must suck cock. make sure it's extra creamy!!
yjyufy
2/10/2023 06:37:39 pm
yes
Joel
12/9/2016 09:45:21 am
Very well written i liked the word choices and how you alborated on it, there was nothing that I could find that needed work i would give you a 4+
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Rajni
3/1/2020 01:32:15 am
Very good way of describing room. I like it. 👍👍👍👌👌
Alex B
12/9/2016 09:58:12 am
It is a great description and edited well. Your full stops and capital letters are very good. But there are a few errors like no enters between your intro and first point. Well done 4
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Rachael
16/9/2016 07:02:19 am
She has described everything in detail of what she has in her room. I agree with the carpet needing vacuumed, I've been telling you for weeks too. You have missed out on some things ie. the shape of her room. Over all I think she has done very good. It was an excellent piece of writing. R5
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Shrijita
11/3/2020 05:17:21 pm
Very good. Wonderful description.
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Jane
25/3/2020 07:45:57 pm
It is a brilliant essay. I love the way in which you used senses
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Ketania
23/10/2020 05:19:49 am
This is great. I like the way you described it and detailed all of your ideas in paragraphs
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Amna
7/5/2021 07:56:46 am
nice gg
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Theo F.
18/11/2021 01:55:30 am
Nice
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Rockdog
10/11/2023 06:26:07 am
Amazing
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Kavya Bhadra
28/1/2024 04:54:14 am
I love the conclusion
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Jessie
9/9/2016 09:31:46 am
JESSIE’S BEDROOM.
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Bridget Smith
12/9/2016 09:42:08 am
I think that your ideas are great, they describe your room well. You could make some ideas paragraphs a bit longer.
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Hayden D
12/9/2016 09:54:51 am
Jessie, I liked the length of the paragraphs and the descriptive words that you put in. Another thing I liked is the spelling is very accurate and you described your bedroom well.
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Connor
12/9/2016 09:56:03 am
Feedback - I read through this twice and couldn't find and spelling mistakes, and lower-case I's nothing this is great!
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Mum
12/9/2016 07:18:38 pm
Great detail in your paragraphs Jessie. I don't think you've left out a single thing about your room :)
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Megan
16/9/2016 09:23:23 am
This sounds like the room I have been in there is lots of detail.The ending paragraph is great to end the description
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Jess
16/9/2016 09:23:48 am
This sounds very descriptive. Very well written. R5
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tvish
23/2/2021 05:24:15 am
beatiful
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ysisf
2/10/2023 06:40:00 pm
wow amzing paragraph
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Sophie
9/9/2016 09:32:44 am
SOPHIE’S BEDROOM
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Thomas
12/9/2016 09:43:28 am
I loved the way you described your bedroom at the start, I had a good visualization of what your room looked like. You used a lot of good descriptive words to express your bedroom.
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Jo Innes
12/9/2016 04:03:19 pm
Well described - good use of descriptive words. Maybe expand on some of these so we know more detail eg: what type of animals can you hear? Sorry your room is so small!
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Brody
13/9/2016 09:43:02 am
your editing was really really good i could not see anything misspell or no comma or anything so well well done. 4+
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Logan
13/9/2016 09:43:38 am
you have used lots of good descriptive word and you spelling is good as well.
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ysisf
2/10/2023 06:41:10 pm
wonderfulllll
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Connor
9/9/2016 09:33:02 am
MY BEDROOM!
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Bree M
12/9/2016 09:45:35 am
The Ideas are relevant but I would like to see more elaborated Ideas in the text. They are very basic paragraphs but with good description in them.
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Bree
13/9/2016 10:13:04 am
4-
Jessie
12/9/2016 09:57:35 am
I noticed that most of your words you could spell right. I noticed that one word keep coming up wrong, it was colour. You spelt it as color (the American way). Some names needed capitals.
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Jessie
12/9/2016 09:59:03 am
I would give you a 3
Brody
13/9/2016 09:40:43 am
your story of your bed room is really good i like your volcabarere in it i really liked your story next time you could work on double check your work for spelling errors well done
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Brody 3+
13/9/2016 09:45:51 am
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Leigh Lyttle
14/9/2016 08:24:36 pm
I really like this Connor! Just remember we are moving your room soon. But I enjoyed reading this but you keep spelling "color" the wrong way it's "colour."
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ysisf
2/10/2023 06:42:05 pm
wow your paragraph is bit lenghty but ok
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James
9/9/2016 09:33:12 am
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Kaden F
12/9/2016 09:36:57 am
I like this description of your bed room. My favourite was the accessories it was funny. Good work I don't think you need to improve.
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Doogie
12/9/2016 09:39:59 am
I like the clear description, so it's easy to visualise.
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Alex B
12/9/2016 09:51:35 am
Great story, the vocabulary was good and very descriptive. You could work on the adjectives but otherwise very good. 4
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Hayden D
12/9/2016 10:00:22 am
James, I liked the way you structured your paragraphs and the whole description came together. you also need to indent your paragraphs.
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Victoria
15/9/2016 07:08:32 pm
I think your room is very descriptive James, I think you did a good job on this description.
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ysisf
2/10/2023 06:42:32 pm
good
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Alex
9/9/2016 09:33:18 am
MY BEDROOM.
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Eddie.
12/9/2016 09:42:25 am
Your ideas are relevant Alex, you have described what it looks well. You have elaborated on your ideas and have given the reader evidence why it is like that.
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James
12/9/2016 09:52:43 am
I'd like to see your room Alex because of the rustic theme and colours. You could add more information on the accessories in your room. I give you a 4.
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Jess B
12/9/2016 09:58:25 am
I didn't notice any capital mistakes throughout your writing. Your punctuation is also correct, and I didn't see any wrong. Next time try used some words less for example the word 'and'. Over all I thought it was great with little mistakes. R5
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Jenny Barnaby
12/9/2016 07:48:07 pm
I really enjoyed this story. Great descriptions and fun to read.
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ysisf
2/10/2023 06:42:54 pm
superb
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Will H
9/9/2016 09:33:34 am
WILL H’S BEDROOM
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Angus
12/9/2016 09:40:41 am
You had a lot of good ideas. You described thing very well. your paragraphs were formed well.
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Angus
12/9/2016 09:42:39 am
Your paragraphs could of been a bit bigger
Kaden F
12/9/2016 09:51:04 am
I like your ideas and you described it really wall. 3
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Bree M
13/9/2016 09:36:18 am
This was well edited, but to get even better look over and over.
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Bree M
13/9/2016 10:14:02 am
4
Will H's Dad
15/9/2016 06:34:01 pm
Describes it well. Needs work on the punctuation. 4-
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ysisf
2/10/2023 06:43:24 pm
awesome
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Jake
9/9/2016 09:34:20 am
Jake’s Bedroom
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Shadyn S
12/9/2016 09:41:10 am
I really enjoy your description jake I can visualize your bedroom very well. You also have great descriptive words to help visualize. I cant find much bad things about your description writing. So overall your writing is amazing.
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Shadyn S
12/9/2016 09:44:52 am
Grade: 5
Bridget Smith
12/9/2016 09:54:57 am
You have got great vocabulary. It describes your room well.
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Bridget Smith
12/9/2016 02:21:36 pm
I give you a 5
Christopher
12/9/2016 03:51:39 pm
This was very well edited so there is not to much to say you have done a very good job with very little mistakes. Next time try not to use extra commas where they were not supposed to be.
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Pattie Ree
12/9/2016 09:35:26 pm
Oh my goodness Jake! You have accurately described the chaos that is your room - however you didn't mention how many times a week I ask you and your brother to tidy the mess up! Nevertheless your writing is lyrical, has rhythm and engages the reader. I enjoyed the comparison you made between the mess and cleanliness. Your writing paints a picture in the readers mind and leaves them feeling like they actually just physically walked around it! Personally .... next time leave out the details about the dust!
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ysisf
2/10/2023 06:44:13 pm
tooo lenghty fine i will give u 3.5
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Kaden F
9/9/2016 09:34:43 am
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James
12/9/2016 09:50:02 am
I can imagine the messiness of your room and you used good punctuation and I like the Explanations.
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Will H
12/9/2016 09:53:03 am
I like how you describe where the objects in your room where. You could visualize your whole room.The furniture paragraph is very good. Very poor punctuation and vocabulary, sometimes it was very hard to follow what you where saying. Except for the Furniture paragraph. 3+
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Megan
12/9/2016 09:56:35 am
In your description there was quiet a few words spelled wrong, but your punctuation was pretty good, you have edited it pretty well but maybe just one more cheek. 3
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kellie
15/9/2016 09:26:46 pm
Ha ha he was very honest about how messy his room is, it was an accurate description
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Rueben D
16/9/2016 09:22:46 am
Pretty good if only you could see how i see your bedroom.
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Brody
16/9/2016 09:23:48 am
well done kaden it does sound like your room. well done
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ysisf
2/10/2023 06:44:40 pm
4
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Bridget Smith
9/9/2016 09:35:49 am
BRIDGET’S BEDROOM
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Jessie
12/9/2016 09:37:05 am
I liked your ideas, you thought of ideas then typed in down on your google doc. I could clearly see your room just by the way you described it. Next time you could have more ideas because the paragraphs were a little short.
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Jessie
12/9/2016 09:50:37 am
I would give you a 3+
Jake
12/9/2016 09:48:45 am
I enjoy the fact that everything is very detailed in the way of being described. Your next step is to use a wider range of vocabulary to more easily describe your room.
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Doogie
12/9/2016 09:57:13 am
The punctuation is almost flawless, as far as I can see.
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Mum
14/9/2016 08:27:19 pm
I think Bridget's description of her room is fairly accurate. She has described most of the furnishings. She could have added the fact that we live in a Lockwood home which is why the walls are made of wooden planks. Also another way to brighten the room would be to open the curtains. Bridget did omit to describe how tidy she and her sisters fail to keep the room which adds to the overall impression that the space is more crowded than it actually is. Overall I think Bridget has done a good job of writing a piece of descriptive text.
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ysisf
2/10/2023 06:45:07 pm
bit short
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Eddie
9/9/2016 09:36:29 am
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Alex B
12/9/2016 09:39:49 am
Your description was great I really liked the way that you told the reader little extra things about the sub heading. But on the other hand you could of give more ideas and elaborate more on the topic and it would be a better description.
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Alex B
12/9/2016 09:52:53 am
4
JOel
12/9/2016 09:54:34 am
Well writen Eddie I couldnt find any mistakes the only thing that I really noticed was the paragraphs are a bit short. 4+
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Troy
13/9/2016 09:39:47 am
It's a great description but like Alex said, you could give it more ideas and elaborate more on the topic to make it a better description.
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Troy
13/9/2016 09:46:29 am
Cancel that. I did the wrong thing. 15/9/2016 09:05:55 pm
Love the story love the writer the use of strong, adventurous adjectives eg horrifically untidy, musty, unfresh, and colour descriptions eg bright red, light, creamy, dark coloured are great. I would say 4 out of 5 for this.
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ysisf
2/10/2023 06:45:45 pm
excellent
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Joel
9/9/2016 09:41:08 am
MY BEDROOM
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Jess B
12/9/2016 09:50:54 am
You have used good related descriptive words. It was great because I could visualise some things about what it would look like. Maybe next time try to write more in some paragraphs, and tell us about more things. A few things to fix up but over all it was good. R4
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Eddie
12/9/2016 10:00:13 am
Your editing hasn't been done too poorly Joel. I didn't find any "I's" that were not capitals.
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Christopher
12/9/2016 03:38:52 pm
I liked the simple ideas of your description as they stuck to what they were made for and didn't go off topic
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Rebecca Taylor
12/9/2016 06:23:14 pm
Great work Joel! Very descriptive and easy to imagine your bedroom and feel how special it is to you. I think you edited your writing well ,I could only find one spelling mistake!
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Brody
9/9/2016 09:42:37 am
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Alyssa
12/9/2016 09:41:17 am
I liked how you had good ideas in your writing but you didn't have that many. You only had three simple senses that were not very detailed and I think you could have added more detail about the noise and smell and sight in your room.
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Connor
12/9/2016 09:50:20 am
Feedback - It's good that you have the nouns and you have a bit of detail in them but add more.
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Sophie
12/9/2016 09:54:18 am
Your capital letters are really good. For next time you could work on your punctuation (commas, full stops) and spelling. -3
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Mum
15/9/2016 08:21:13 pm
Brody, I like your writing. You have done well to describe your room. Lots of descriptive words and nouns and adjectives make for interesting writing and make it really easy to read. I have enjoyed reading this and laughed a few times at how accurate your description is. Your spelling needs some tweaking but overall I think you've done really well :)
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Hayden
9/9/2016 09:43:13 am
MY BEDROOM
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William M
12/9/2016 09:41:32 am
I really liked your description about your bedroom. You really made me think of what your room would've looked like with your little brothers toy box and with the bog window and the red wall. Next time you can probably calm down by using the brackets.
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Jessie
12/9/2016 09:49:51 am
You had lots of adjectives to back up your nouns. You were very descriptive when it came to what you liked about your room and what you didn't like. You could work on using more pronouns or adverbs. I would give you a 3.
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James
12/9/2016 09:57:44 am
The style of your room to me is a dark and bright theme with all the colours and design. You could add information on what you think about your room and why you like it. 3
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Suzie
16/9/2016 09:06:22 am
Great description Hayden, you forgot to mention the constant piles of washing in it! Jackson enjoys sharing a room with you. I wonder what you would change about it if you had the chance too? Love Mum x
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Doogie
9/9/2016 09:43:38 am
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James
12/9/2016 09:46:41 am
I think you have used some good verbs to describe your room and it has lots of information. The colours in your room must be very bright with the sun on it and I can visualise your room. You could add more information on what each paragraph was. Overall I give you a 4.
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Bree M
12/9/2016 09:56:09 am
Your Bedroom Ideas are very elaborated and the descriptive part of it has been written very well. The vocobulary is very good aswell.
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Bridget Smith
12/9/2016 02:20:31 pm
The editing for your description is great, haven't found any mistakes. I give a 4.
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Angus
16/9/2016 09:23:11 am
I bet your glad to get out of your old room.
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William Middleton
9/9/2016 09:44:20 am
William’s Bedroom Description
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Hayden D
12/9/2016 09:41:55 am
William I liked your descriptive words and the structure of your paragraphs. They are also quite long and the spelling is really good. Things that you need to work on is the punctuation and the length of your sentences. good work.
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Megan
12/9/2016 09:51:15 am
I think that you had some really good descriptive words, but you could have a few more just to add more detail.3+
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Logan
12/9/2016 02:16:18 pm
like how you have used brackets. you have a done good job with your spelling and punctuation.
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Angus
12/9/2016 02:16:24 pm
I think you have done good with spelling and puncuation. But i think I saw some spelling mistakes
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Adrianne Middleton
15/9/2016 05:13:36 pm
A nice piece of writing William. Not quite how I see your room - it is a typical boys bedroom with a LOT of mess on the floor and you also forgot to say that you chuck stuff under your bed as well as the "random drawers"! Very descriptive though - well done!
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Angus
9/9/2016 09:45:02 am
MY BEDROOM
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Will H
12/9/2016 09:43:29 am
I like how you have clearly stated your paragraphs. You describe it very well, you could visualize yourself in your room. But at one point you said in your accessories paragraph "But they aren't dirty they are actually quite clean all thanks to my dog." The reader doesn't know what you mean, but overall its very good.
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Alyssa
12/9/2016 09:50:01 am
You had very descriptive vocabulary and there was a lot of adjectives and that made it very interesting. 4-Because you had good adjectives.
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logan
12/9/2016 09:59:49 am
you have structured you description writing and have a bit of punctuation mistakes
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William M
12/9/2016 10:00:08 am
Angus your punctuation was good but your spelling had a couple of 'i's in stead of a I.
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Jo Burke
15/9/2016 06:31:37 pm
Great bit of writing and very accurate on what Angus's room looks and smells like
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Alyssa
10/9/2016 09:11:47 pm
ALYSSA’S BEDROOM
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Amanda McGinity
12/9/2016 08:22:14 pm
I liked how your story told a true picture of how your room is. You used good description and your story was interesting. One area that you could work on is maybe not repeating things and making sure that what you say makes sense. 3+
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Rueben
13/9/2016 09:35:26 am
The spelling and Grammar was good and no spelling mistakes but you could use some more descriptive words.
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Brody
13/9/2016 09:36:35 am
I like how much description is in your writing, mabey next time dont keep repeating your self
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Angus
13/9/2016 09:46:03 am
Use used I little bit of complex vocabulary but not a lot. But you a lot of descriptive words. 4+
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Brody
13/9/2016 09:46:29 am
4 well done
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Sophie
16/9/2016 09:23:37 am
Nice work describing your room. Your lucky that it's big haha 4
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Thomas
11/9/2016 08:56:38 am
THOMAS’S BEDROOM
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Sophie
12/9/2016 09:40:31 am
You have some great ideas and I can get a really good visualisation of your room. For next time you could work on not repeating ideas in each paragraph.
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Sophie
12/9/2016 09:55:43 am
3+
Angus
12/9/2016 09:51:53 am
Use used I little bit of complex vocabulary but not a lot. But you a lot of descriptive words. 4
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Angus
13/9/2016 09:46:50 am
Sorry wrong person.
Shadyn S
12/9/2016 09:58:44 am
This was quite good but you are lacking descriptive words. Also you repeat a lot of your facts over and over again, making this writing boring to read as I am just reading the same writing again and again. Overall it's ok but you repeat your facts.
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Christopher
12/9/2016 03:45:14 pm
You have used some very good descriptive words which fit perfectly into what you were writing about. Next time read through it and really think about what word could fit in there that will work even better.
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Val Scott
13/9/2016 06:58:21 pm
Very well detailed with accessories and colours. I am happy that Thomas likes his room, airy and small and keeps it tidy.
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Logan Marshall
11/9/2016 04:54:48 pm
LOGAN’S BEDROOM
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Sophie
12/9/2016 09:48:26 am
You have some good simple vocabulary. For next time you could use more vocabulary and try not to repeat words. 3
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Angus
12/9/2016 09:58:36 am
You did spell some difficult words. But you made a lot of punctuation mistakes and spelling mistakes. E.g pain main
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William M
12/9/2016 02:17:24 pm
Logan you had lots of spelling mistakes like you said flour instead of floor and 'i's not 'I' \. Next time just maybe double check spelling. But it was good
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Rueben
12/9/2016 02:17:46 pm
It was a good description of your room I rely could visualized what the room looked like. But the spelling and use of punctuation was needed and also you could use some more descriptive words.
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Clint Marshall
15/9/2016 08:08:09 pm
Logan I like how you tell the truth but your spelling needs work and maybe thinking about what your trying to say.
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Shadyn S
12/9/2016 09:26:41 am
SHADYN’S BEDROOM
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Jake
12/9/2016 09:38:51 am
I like the fact that all your ideas were relevant and made sense to the topic. You could improve on adding more ideas and making them a bit more interesting.
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Thomas
12/9/2016 09:59:35 am
Great bedroom description Shadyn, I loved how you punctuated your sentences and it made it easy to read, you also have a good use of grammar.
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Rueben
12/9/2016 02:49:02 pm
Its a good description of your room but could be a little bit better because of the spelling grammer. But good over all
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Debbie
15/9/2016 08:35:07 pm
Shadyn this is an accurate explanation of your teenage boy's bedroom. I would probably just proofread your work before submitting it. Well done though :-)
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Joel
16/9/2016 09:24:45 am
Great writing Shadyn really liked it, I still ant that ps4 of yours though!
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Bree M
12/9/2016 09:29:27 am
MY BEDROOM
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Connor
12/9/2016 09:42:52 am
Feedback - Overall I quite liked your writing and it's not to detailed but it has some in there and the description you used was great.
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Doogie
12/9/2016 09:49:29 am
I like the constant use of adjectives, it helps me visualise the colours.
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Will H
12/9/2016 09:58:52 am
Very well written. Excellent punctuation and spelling. Continue useing very good punctuation and spelling. 4+
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Ann-maree
15/9/2016 08:48:58 pm
Good description Bree. I think your writing has really improved this year. I do 'nag' at you to clean your room. But you could be a bit more tidier. But love your work.
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Alyssa
16/9/2016 09:23:30 am
I like how you described your mum telling you to clean your room all the time haha
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Rueben
12/9/2016 10:00:00 am
Ruebens’ bedroom
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Alyssa
12/9/2016 08:01:06 pm
I think you edited the grammar well with making it make sense but there were a few spelling mistakes and no capitals for I
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Logan
13/9/2016 09:41:20 am
I like how you have used lots of descriptive words.
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Shadyn S
13/9/2016 09:44:34 am
Quite a few good words but a lot of bland words in your writing making it a bit boring. So try using better descriptive words.
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Kaden F
16/9/2016 09:24:55 am
You described your bedroom well. I have been in your room but I think you have to clean your room before a gest gets there a ha ha 4
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Christopher
12/9/2016 03:29:25 pm
MY BEDROOM
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Jake
12/9/2016 04:22:32 pm
I think that this is a fine piece of writing. Well structured paragraphs and a few funny jokes too. Next step is to read it over to correct punctuation like needed and unneeded capitals and use of commas.
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Joel
12/9/2016 06:10:58 pm
Really liked it Chris! Well structured very big and descriptive paragraphs. 5
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Thomas
13/9/2016 09:41:42 am
Great descriptive writing Christopher, you went deep into a lot of detail about your living space and colours. I liked it how you said you wouldn't change your room and it is a good space to relax.
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'Mrs Mum'
13/9/2016 06:47:28 pm
I'm pleased you like your room Christopher.
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Hayden D
16/9/2016 09:23:17 am
It sounds like you have a nice bedroom
William M
16/9/2016 09:24:34 am
Hey Chris good job I never knew about that Hulk thing though or seen it.
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Troy
13/9/2016 11:02:11 am
TROY’S BEDROOM
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Eddie
15/9/2016 02:17:20 pm
Troy you have used some good vocab. But your NSL would be to use a larger range of different words as you have repeated some of the good words.
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Doogie
15/9/2016 02:17:46 pm
Penultimate par5agraph the full stop at the end goes inside of the brackets. and there is no conclusion or ending paragraph.
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Jake
15/9/2016 02:19:52 pm
I like the incredible detail you've put into this text. Your next step is to improve your grammar and punctuation.
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Michelle
15/9/2016 06:05:43 pm
Some of its correct. You just need to open up your curtains more to get the better light. I'm impressed with your vocabulary and spelling.
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Hannah Earl 8WH
1/9/2017 11:52:14 am
Hannah’s Bedroom
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Colt
1/9/2017 12:25:35 pm
I think it is awesome you describe things in you bedroom so well and I saw it so clear in my head. when you said mental trip you were bang on.
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Heather Earl
1/9/2017 05:32:40 pm
How lovely it is to read what Hannah thinks about her room. The description of the desk and wardrobe are spot on!! Great writing
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Sophie M 8WH
1/9/2017 11:52:45 am
Sophie’s Bedroom
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Peta M
1/9/2017 12:20:25 pm
I really liked that you had some really awesome words in your writing that really hooked me in and made it more intresting to keep on reading along.
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Andrew Ermio
1/9/2017 12:21:45 pm
I like the way you've used a lot of punctuation in your writing with full stops used correctly, spacing after a comma and capital letters after full stops.
Reply
Thornton 8WH
1/9/2017 12:21:58 pm
Very detailed story and I loved the descriptive vocabulary you used in it (words like alcove). I didn't find any spelling errors, but there was a mistake where there was no space between a full stop and the start of a sentence in paragraph 3.
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Jamie Temporal
1/9/2017 02:14:45 pm
Very good vocabulary Sophie.I could imagine i was there.
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Hamish (Dad)
2/9/2017 10:22:10 am
A very well written and descriptive piece. It gives a very accurate picture of Sophie's room.
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Mabelle 8WH
1/9/2017 11:53:17 am
Mabelle’s Bedroom Description
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Teatukura
1/9/2017 12:24:53 pm
Mabelle your spelling is great there is no misspelling or any wrong words used.
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Reuben
1/9/2017 12:26:28 pm
You used a lot of adjectives and nouns I could easily picture your room.
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Mum
4/9/2017 08:02:50 am
This is such a clear description of your room Mabelle! The adjectives summarise the tranquil space really well. Well done.
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Brooke 8WH
1/9/2017 11:53:29 am
Brooke’s Bedroom Description
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Jamie Tempoal
1/9/2017 12:18:50 pm
Very good description i could imagine i'm there.Very good punctuation. Expand on your punctuation so your not using the classics to much
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Teatukura
1/9/2017 12:28:03 pm
Brooke, I like the way you used your vocabulary skills. You used interesting words that I haven't heard of before.
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Heather (Mum)
1/9/2017 04:32:20 pm
You have made a great job of describing your room and I liked honesty with regards to your (constantly) unmade bed.
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Andrew Ermio
4/9/2017 06:48:55 pm
You really described your bedroom and well use of words in your writing.
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George Wareing 8WH
1/9/2017 11:54:42 am
My bedroom is down the hallway of our house on your left. It might not seem like your average 13 year old bedroom because really this bedroom wasn't even for me, it was meant to be a spare room.
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Kaia
1/9/2017 12:19:59 pm
I think that your piece of writing was great! You used capital letters in the right places and a few different types of punctuation. But you did miss out a few commas.
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Molly
1/9/2017 12:27:13 pm
Your story was good. It had a lot of descriptive words in it.
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Harriet
1/9/2017 02:12:31 pm
Your story was very descriptive and had good describing words.
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Arna
5/9/2017 07:05:45 pm
You described your room well George. Great writing. Hopefully we will get you some colour in your room soon.
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Annie
6/9/2017 12:56:33 pm
Really good George, there were no spelling mistakes I could see.
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Molly Rudge
1/9/2017 11:55:26 am
Molly’s Bedroom
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William Wightman
1/9/2017 12:18:03 pm
I like how you used brackets and capital letters to make words stand out
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Jamie Temporal
1/9/2017 12:26:36 pm
Your Spelling is good Molly. Did you use a dictionary?If not Excellent spelling
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George Wareing
1/9/2017 12:27:06 pm
Good work. You used the write amount of good words in the right places.
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Harriet
1/9/2017 12:28:45 pm
I really like the words you have used to describe your story like
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Tom (Dad)
6/9/2017 08:24:29 pm
It's a very accurate description and well written but the mess is very understated!
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Harriet
1/9/2017 11:57:34 am
Harriet’s Bedroom
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Colt
1/9/2017 12:16:29 pm
it is very interesting and the punctuation is really good but you stroll into your room hop in your bed and then stroll into your room again so it sought of jumped around
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William
1/9/2017 12:21:21 pm
Can't see any spelling errors good job 👌.
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George Wareing
1/9/2017 12:25:23 pm
Good work a nice peace of writing. I didn't see any spelling mistakes.
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Kate (Mum)
2/9/2017 10:51:16 am
What a great description of your beautiful bedroom! You have described it so accurately. I am glad you love your bedroom!
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Molly
5/9/2017 10:27:08 am
I like how you used a lot of description!
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Isla
1/9/2017 12:00:25 pm
Isla’s Bedroom Description
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Reuben
1/9/2017 12:18:02 pm
Most of the punctuation was good but there were a few mistakes like writing the word twice.
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Alex F 8WH
1/9/2017 12:19:13 pm
Great descriptive peace of writing and it really felt like I was in your room.
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Thornton 8WH
1/9/2017 12:28:23 pm
A good descriptive story. I liked some of the words you used like; zooming, convenient and belongings. Maybe next time don't use 'my' too much.
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Stacey Duckmanton
6/9/2017 07:54:43 am
I LOVE THE DETAILED DESCRIPTION OF THE THINGS YOU CAN SEE OUT YOUR WINDOW.
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Kaia Frazerhurst 8WH
1/9/2017 12:01:04 pm
Kaia’s Bedroom
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George Wareing
1/9/2017 12:17:54 pm
Good peace of writing. You used the right punctuation in the right places and I didn't see any mistakes. Well done you should be happy with what you have wrote.
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Mabelle
1/9/2017 12:22:29 pm
Really good writing, I can picture your room very clearly. You had great vocabulary and good use of nouns and adjectives.
Emma Begg 8WH
1/9/2017 12:26:59 pm
Your writing was amazing and I didn't find any spelling mistakes. Good job!
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Jen the Mother
1/9/2017 06:46:40 pm
Nice work Kaia! I get a feeling you're into sports and really like cosy spaces. You have had a few rooms in your life and you know how to to make yourself feel at home easily. Also, nice use of punctuation and paragraphs.
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Alex Ford 8WH
1/9/2017 12:01:37 pm
Alex’s bedroom
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Isla
1/9/2017 12:22:20 pm
Your spelling was mostly correct there were just a few words like duvet. Also there were some little things like having i instead of I that you could of fixed.
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Chris ford
3/9/2017 06:45:49 pm
Cool story bro, proof read for spelling
Wmum
3/9/2017 06:43:25 pm
Awesome description of your room Alex. Check your spelling and punctuation. Good story I enjoyed reading it.
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Annie
6/9/2017 12:59:09 pm
Really good, just a few punctuation mistakes.
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Reuben Brown 8WH
1/9/2017 12:02:33 pm
Reuben’s bedroom description
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Isla
1/9/2017 12:17:01 pm
Your punctuation was good. However you could of used more of it like putting commas in longer sentences.
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Mabelle
1/9/2017 12:20:35 pm
Your vocabulary was really good, you used nouns and adjectives well.
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Jackie (Reuben's Mum)
6/9/2017 08:00:19 am
Reuben has provided a spot on description of his room. That is exactly what it looks like. The bit that gets me, is how can one person be so messy?! Clothes everywhere all over the floor and I have no way of knowing if they are clean or dirty...I certainly don't want to smell them! It's good that he loves his room and his own space.
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Thornton 8WH
1/9/2017 12:03:35 pm
Thornton’s Bedroom Description
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Isla
1/9/2017 12:25:36 pm
You used some great vocabulary like chaos, but there were a few places that you could of used a better word than the one you did use.
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Sophie
1/9/2017 02:17:31 pm
Your description is really good. I love the use of your vocabulary e.g chaos. No faults with your spelling.
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Thornton's Mum
5/9/2017 08:01:51 pm
Good description of your bedroom (mess and all). I agree that it needs to be cleaner!
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Peta Muir
1/9/2017 12:04:51 pm
Petas Bedroom
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Colt
1/9/2017 12:21:51 pm
It is uses lots of descriptive language but after a comma you have put a capital like never made, One big and you have my bedroom has One build in wardrobe do you mean one built in wardrobe other than that I liked it
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Andrew Ermio
1/9/2017 12:25:50 pm
You've used punctuation correctly I don't really see any errors but full stops in the right place, capital letters well done
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Sophie
1/9/2017 02:19:37 pm
Your vocabulary is really cool, but I think that you could have some more adjectives. There are also some capital letters that are in the wrong place.
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Andrea
11/9/2017 09:29:25 pm
Good description of your room Peta. Yes you do have a warm a cozy bed which I struggle to get you out of in the mornings lol.
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Andrew Ermio 8Wh
1/9/2017 12:07:10 pm
My Bedroom
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Brooke 8WH
1/9/2017 12:21:08 pm
I like the description. However some of your paragraphs didn't make any sense. Also some of you words are slept wrong or used in the wrong context. eg Self fun.
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Sophie
1/9/2017 12:23:18 pm
Your punctuation is really good, but you are missing a few commas and had some capital letters missing.
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Peta M
1/9/2017 12:24:42 pm
Nice job Andrew really liked reading your piece of writing it deserves well.
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Emma 8WH
1/9/2017 12:25:07 pm
Your description was enjoyable to read. I can imagine what your room would be like. I am confused about what self fun is though. your writing was very descriptive but maybe some more advanced vocabulary needed.
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Alma (Mum)
7/9/2017 08:34:24 pm
I enjoyed reading your writing illustrates without hesitation what your room feels and looks like. You describe it well. I like the part when you recognise that your room needs cleaning and organise your things to feel much comfortable but most of all you are comfortable in your room.
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Emma Begg 8WH
1/9/2017 12:07:36 pm
Emma's bedroom.
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Teatukura
1/9/2017 12:18:56 pm
Emma I like how consistent you are on your punctuation's It is good how you used them.
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Andrew Ermio
1/9/2017 12:29:11 pm
Well done Emma I could really picture your bedroom well use of spelling and I like the words you have used.
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Dylan
5/9/2017 10:41:32 am
I think Emma used lots of punctuation and i liked haw she told us exactly were her room was
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Beth Begg
5/9/2017 07:43:13 pm
Not always that bad because your mother gets sick of it and cleans it up a bit!!!!!!!!!
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Teatukura
1/9/2017 12:07:56 pm
Teatukura’s bedroom
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Emma 8WH
1/9/2017 12:17:09 pm
You described your bedroom very well, but I feel your punctuation let you down a bit. Their should be a comma after hallway in the first sentence, and I am also confused on why in your last paragraph you started off with firstly. Other than that good job.
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Brooke 8WH
1/9/2017 12:17:18 pm
I like how I am able to visualize your bedroom. Your vocab was well done and I was able to visualize. However your vocabulary could still improve to help the readers to have a clearer picture of what your bedroom looks like.
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Mabelle
1/9/2017 12:18:27 pm
Good job, I like how you described your basketball posters. You're spelling was really great, I don't think I found a single error.
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Mum
7/9/2017 03:51:10 pm
Interesting imagination Teatukura. as you described your room with a theme 'NBA' yes there are some elements of that but if you ask me, its not in plain sight! as your beautiful grey carpet is covered with clothes sometimes! At first, I thought you were describing the ocean! as your room! so I was a bit confused. Definitely need to work on your vocabulary and sentences as it seems to be repetitive. Theres room to improve. Overall, well done Teatukura!
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Colt 8WH
1/9/2017 12:09:35 pm
My Bedroom
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Harriet
1/9/2017 12:18:35 pm
You have described your room well and I can paint a picture. I think your punctuation is good but some of your sentences are quiet long, you should of made them into 2 sentences instead of 1.
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Hannah Earl 8WH
1/9/2017 12:24:19 pm
I liked how you took the audience on a trip around your room. I could imagine looking at the things you described. I thought you could have added more adjectives to describe the objects you talked about (such as the Lego and drums) but I loved how you used words such as wade instead of walk, avalanche instead of fall and navigate instead of look/travel.
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Dylan 8WH
5/9/2017 10:33:40 am
I think Hannah's story had lots of descriptive words and had good punctuation and spelling.
Peta M
1/9/2017 12:28:39 pm
Good job colt. I really liked that you used some really great words that have me hooked in. there was only just a few full stops being misplaced but overall it was really great
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Mum
3/9/2017 12:53:29 pm
Thank you so much for cleaning it this weekend Colt!!! Its lovely to see the colour of your carpet again, Just a wee reminder please unpack your rugby bag before it starts waffling out the door!! Love reading your stories as always!
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William Wightman 8WH
1/9/2017 12:12:37 pm
William’s Bedroom
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Molly
1/9/2017 12:16:40 pm
I liked how you added a lot of description, like about the wall paper. You need to work on capital letters (eg. DVD, TV) and add comas in some places.
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Harriet
1/9/2017 12:24:28 pm
Your writing is very descriptive. There was a couple of spelling mistakes though.
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Annie
6/9/2017 01:02:11 pm
Really good, some really good descriptive words and I could imagine it really well.
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William's Mum
7/9/2017 05:38:01 pm
This seems to be a fair reflection of your bedroom. Yes it can be very messy and there are times I cannot stand that mess any more so I tidy it.
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Jamie Temporal 8WH
1/9/2017 12:14:56 pm
Jamie’s Bedroom Description.
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Molly
1/9/2017 12:24:00 pm
Your spelling was pretty good. Just next time check carefully because the odd word was spelt wrong.
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Brooke 8WH
1/9/2017 12:26:48 pm
Well done, I can tell you put a lot of effort into it. Some of the punctuation was a little muddled some of the I's were not where they needed to be and in between the full stops and the next sentence there were no spaces. Over all it was still one of your best work.
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Sophie
1/9/2017 12:28:11 pm
You could have added some more descriptive words in there. You needed to double check your punctuation and spelling as there are quite a few mistakes when it comes to these areas. You have described some things though. e.g, the size of your bed, and the colours of your bed covers.
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Dylan Parish 8WH
5/9/2017 10:31:04 am
My bedroom
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Hannah Earl 8WH
5/9/2017 10:33:49 am
I love the way you have proven that your room is one of your favourite places. I think some of your sentences were a bit long and could have benefited from some more commas, but I think your punctuation has improved.
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Emma 8WH
5/9/2017 10:45:02 am
Good job Dylan, no spelling mistakes.
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Kylie. Mum to Dylan
5/9/2017 08:11:43 pm
Spot on Dylan, explained your bedroom very well.
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Piper
5/9/2017 10:44:07 am
I wandered towards my bedroom put my hand on the chilled silver handle. I opened the door, it creaked and made a sound like someone's fingers on a chalk board. I walked through the door and stood still just looking into my bedroom.
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Reuben
5/9/2017 10:50:06 am
The spelling was very good I struggled to find any mistakes.
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Harriet
5/9/2017 10:55:43 am
I like the vocabulary you used to describe your story like vibrant, large, silk, chilled. It was a great story.
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Robyn Hood
10/9/2017 04:33:50 pm
Lots of vivid detail and descriptions Piper!
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Thornton 8WH
5/9/2017 10:52:25 am
Nice story and good use of commas and punctuation. Maybe use harder types of punctuation like brackets... Overall well done.
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Annie 8WH
5/9/2017 11:52:15 am
Annie’s Bedroom
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Kerry (Annie's mum)
7/9/2017 08:28:21 pm
I think Annie has given an accurate and fair description of her room. I like her use of descriptive words and the slight humour. It was interesting to learn about some of her feelings about her private space.
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George
8/9/2017 09:15:24 am
Good description Annie. This is a good peace of writing.
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alex ford 8WH
8/9/2017 09:19:26 am
great work i love that you did good punctuation and it was a good story
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George WC
11/9/2017 05:47:26 pm
George’s Bedroom
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Mum
11/9/2017 05:50:06 pm
Nicely described George, your room is currently a blank canvas so you can do a lot with it. Be good to keep the clothes off the floor!
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